As I prepare to give birth to my third child any day now I am reminded of the fact that I have no parents of my own anymore on this earth.
Most of the time I am fine with this and have grown as a person because of it and the challenges I have been through, but there are moments when it hits home again and this is one of them. With 2 weeks left till my due date it is a time of going inwards, a time of reflection, rest, renewal and deeper connection to my baby and ultimately to my life’s journey (whatever that may be) I used to be very close to my parents, calling them most days to chat, for support and love and sometimes I find myself going to pick up the phone to them before I remember that I can’t, at least not on this plane anyway. But it is in these times of pain that I can grow and understand myself and release some of the pain that is stored inside me.
My mother died when I was 21 after being terminally ill since I was 8 years old. In so many ways my childhood has taken away and changed because of the impact of her illness but this has helped me to become the person I am today, someone who wants to share the message of health and wellbeing to myself and those around me.
There are times as a parent when all we want to do is call our parent(s) for advice, love and ultimately someone just to hear you. For that support that you can only really get from your parents. But when you don’t have that you have to be a little bit more resourceful. For me remembering to connect into the earth for that support is where I look. The earth is the ultimate mother so nurtures us all.
Also for me knowing its ok to feel sad, to mourn the loss of my parents, to honour the give of life that they gave me, the path they put me on and the support and love that they did give me. So in this moment I honour my roots and my journey.
It’s not been an easy one, but it has been one that is constantly teaching me to strive to grow, to live life, to be grateful for what I do have.
One of the challenges I faced with my mother getting sick when I was young was on some level a feeling that all women would ultimately abandon me, that really I was alone in this world. This is something that I still struggle with, but that I work on.
When we suffer loss one of the things we do is build up a wall, to protect ourselves from ever being hurt again. This wall keeps us safe or so we think but really all it does is shut us off from love and support. It is only in vulnerability that we can truly grow and really experience life in its fullness.
I don’t think we can every truly be prepared for death and what that holds for those left, but we can try and celebrate the life that we have been given. All life has its challenges and what makes it amazing is how we deal with it. Like the phoenix rising up out of the ashes, what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.
Both of my parents taught me that even through sickness we can inspire life in those around us. Even in adversity we can shine. So now my mission is to shine the light I was given, even if this is sometimes challenging to both myself and those around me, and to know that when I feel alone, and out on a limb because of my choices that I know I am working for the highest good and if I can come from a space of love and stay true to myself that I will be supported and guided..